2013 winds down and for whatever reason I tend to think and reflect this time of year. It probably has something to do with visiting my grand parents grave site. I wrote a whole other blog about that so feel free to read if you need more about that. Christmas is never really an easy holiday for me. I am not being selfish, but it has been the same since my grand mother passed. I suppose I don't have one particularly great Christmas memory of my grandma beyond the fact that she was always there. I suppose that is special enough. My family is spread out and it's been awhile since we were all together at the same time on Christmas. This year Lauren will experience her first Christmas without her great grandmother, who was the center of her family holiday. I truly hope her holiday is a good one.
When I look back at 2013, I can't help but wish things were a little closer to what they used to be. People are certainly different. I remember the excitement that used to surround the holiday. Don't get me wrong, there is still excitement, but I overheard the conversation of two moms in Target and they were not quite happy. Christmas has become the most materialistic time of the year and not everyone can keep up. I didn't start writing to bring anyone down, but reality is reality.
I look at where I have come from in the last year and I count myself among the blessed. I get to do a job that I love. I was given the opportunity to build something and while it is challenging, it is starting to become what I envisioned nearly two years ago. Despite what people will say about it, my company has done nothing short of show me respect and provide me with opportunities to grow. My career finally feels like it is growing and after several years, it's a good feeling. I have a building full of great people to work with and that doesn't happen very often and for me it has happened a third time. Dysfunctional our work family may be, but I get to work with some good people and at the end of the day, I am thankful for that.
It's not been an easy year for my family, but somehow they manage to pull through. I am finally accepting the fact that my step dad isn't immortal, but he will always be my hero. If I have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, Bob is certainly the angel and my conscience. I hope the stress on my mom lessens. She deserves it. We have lived with nothing and dined like kings and in both cases my mom made sure we had the best she could give. I look back an appreciate both now more than ever before.
The world will not do anyone any favors. I get irritated when I see people selling lies and pretending to do well. I try to treat people the same year round. If I don't like you in March, I still don't like you in December. I try and do things for the right reasons and not so I look good doing it. I have learned to be less temperamental. I have my moments, but we all do.
So at the most materialistic time of the year, I have this to offer. Gifts will always mean more from the heart and not from the wallet. I love nice things. We all do, but at the end of the day a little good will is a gift that the entire world could use. If you have wasted 2013 trying to keep up with or live someone Else's dream, I hope 2014 is the year you live your own. The world isn't perfect, situations are never perfect, but we only get out of it what we put in. It gets frustrating to keep fighting and not get ahead, but winners hustle harder and it can't rain all the time.
I'll end with a quick note to my grandma. I am lucky enough to go home everyday to someone who love me for me. Accepts my faults, (and there are plenty of them) stands by me, and appreciates what I am trying to be. It feels good to be back home. I am a better person. I love life again. I accept it's challenges and am excited again for the next chapter. I hope you like the flowers I left you and I hope you are proud of who I am becoming. I am not completely alright, but I am doing OK.
To everyone else, I simply say Merry Christmas and good will towards men and women.
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